This is my end of the day.

I know I know. Loads of people including my parents and even ME MYSELF are asking the same question over and over again and again and again and I freaking don't have the answer right now okay and just leave me alone for some time just to think things over.

Just for some time and you may proceed to ask me the moment I enter the college or Uni I finally decided.

*WTF it's obvious to ask that ques when I really managed to enter anywhere. damn lame la me*

I have 5 particular fields in mind actually- Interior Design, Graphic Design, Business, Marketing and Psychology. Dad recently gave me another option- MASS COMM. omigosh. That's 6 fields in total right now.

What stops me from choosing the fields above is mainly because I'm afraid that I made my decision too fast and that I'll regret for the rest of my life in future. You will be afraid too I bet. Although information with me right now about loads and loads of Unis and college can actually build another bungalow that's made of paper in front of me, I still find it insecure to make a decision.

Was it because I'm too greedy that I just want to have all the knowledge in me that I couldn't find which is the best for me? I think so. Ever since young, I behaved just like that. I wanted everything, I wanted to learn everything. But in the end, everything was learnt, but halfway done. That's why you don't see me very very very CEMERLANG in a particular skill or subject, just better than the worst only. And I am still an average student. Not a gifted or talented student. What's more about a genius? Dream la.

I always see friends around me that excel in a particular talent they've learn since young and I really envy them. Envy their enthusiasm & persistence I mean. I am always the one who says that I want it now but I'll give up some time later. How the fuck am I gonna succeed in life? I asked myself many many times and I sensed that loads of conflicts and stupid arguments are happening in my head as though there's a law firm or whatever water fight is going on in my brain EVERY SINGLE TIME. But the answer will not come out. And I hated it much.

Come to reality. Average students are meant for primary and high school only. The moment I step into the society, the country, the world, the universe.... *wtf* I need to be someone special and outstanding. Be it in anything I have.

Maybe I'll come out with a digital sanitary pad? Or Mutated babies that eat from their asses? Or leg controlled games? Or whatever fucking stupid ideas lar. This is COMPLETELY a dream as I fail my Chemistry Physics Math and bla bla bla that are related to the science stream when I was in Junior high. Less talks about senior high then. But I excel in General Science wor. A1 leh SPM =) Damn frustrating.

About art, yes, I did won competitions and not only once, but many times. This does not represent anything also in my opinion as most of the competition are kiddos competition. I haven't join competition that are organized inter school or what's more internationally. Hell yeah my expectation is high, what do you think the outside world will think about?

My SPM and UEC result SUCKS. Just don't ask. I don't wanna add the pressure in me anymore. Eh, Taylor's got scholarship for the UEC one leh. Damn weird.Just received their mail today. But so what? My results couldn't get me any scholars. Dream in getting into any famous Uni la.

I might apply for Singapore polytechnic now, since dad wanted me to do so long long time ago.

Enough of my granny explanation la. I finally come out with a post so wordy and no pictures at all.