Different.

The CNY's about to end.
Everything's different this year, from the date of CNY till the topics we're talking about.
Due to economic crisis, our ang pows reduced and only one of my relative remain the fireworks culture.
It's freaking quiet this CNY.
Yea, kids were growing, some even grew taller than me.
And I was misunderstood as the youngest among my two brothers.
OMG.

I was frequently asked about my education too.
Yes, Singapore it is.

Some of my cousin brothers were announcing their marriage too...
How soon.

And yea, I will soon be eighteen.
I felt uncomfortable with it though many of them wished to reach this age ASAP.

I didn't go out with any friends.
This is what that makes me very very disappointed as they went out by themselves.
Yes, without inviting me but telling me what they did.
I felt really shitty when I got to know about it.
I would rather they didn't tell me.
I would rather they'll just keep all these to themselves.
What's the meaning of telling me now??
"Buzz off!!! You don't belong to us!!"
Is that so?? Shall I really buzz my ass off you guys??
I've got loads of questions unanswered.
Why the heck do I feel so insecure being with you guys?
Why the heck do I think that I'm an outsider among you guys??
We are same aged and were classmates before.
Do you guys really think that I'm that ignorant or what???
I'm boring??
I feel like I'm not myself, and I'm afraid that I'll be another person.


To you, I was quite scared of your presence sometimes.
You seem to take control of everything.
You were like the big boss to us.
But why aren't you that flexible?
You can call us out.
It's not a dead end sometimes.

Why can my brother have so many gangs of friend that asked him out every single day?
Why do I have none?
Is it my fault for not making the move?
Or am I just not welcomed?
I don't need to fuss at all for the usage of my car.
My brother was driving it all the while.
We never quarelled to take turns, and it's really weird for me.

Different as I say, we were only in different classes now, does that defines everything?

I'm doing my homework actually. But this sudden feeling distracted me. I couldn't but have to spill it out. I'm really moody now.

Please, I need to know, what's that wall doing in between us now???
To prevent me from entering??